In the last several months I have had the opportunity to get to know one of the smartest, funniest, and most likable people I have ever met. Jayson Miller aka CodeMonkey. I worked with Jayson and we spent many hours discussing how similar our lives were and the things we really lacked in life, ya know as humn beings and spouses. I really enjoy Jayson and he is someone I enjoy talking to. We talk about our berry's often and the addictions we have found on them and with them. Being berry addicts we have found out there is a whole life out there for us crackberry addicts. If we werent talking technology or crackberry shiz we were talking about our spouses and our broken marriages.
Jayson was such a great person, my daughter would always go talk to him and tell him her little secrets, draw pictures for him, and make plans to show him pieces of her world. One trip they had planned was to walk over to teh Cathedral of The Madelaine. Being Catholic my daughter has always felt and been such a great little speaker for Jesus and his wishes. Jayson is always so nice and patient with my daughter and really enjoyed takling to her.
I was out sick from work for a week, when I returned Jayson wasnt there. This wasnt uncommon as he had been working as a DJ and doing some sidework with his brother who was an awesome web developer. Jayson was having a lot of fun and showed me some really awesome work he was doing. We always laugh about the things I know and the things he knows, together I think we make a whole I.T. person!! As thursday came and I went I wondered where Jayson was for the day. Still not feeling well, I went home thinking he would do as he always does and pull an all nighter to get his coding done. Friday came around and Jayson didnt come into work again. I figured he was having a hard time getting up and getting going, maybe he had a DJ gig that kept him up late or he was working on his website and mixing more music. Saturday was Valentines Day and it was my Saturday to work, and of course I thought of Jayson, hell I needed a good laugh and someone intelligent to talk to. The weekend came and went, and it had its fair share of frustrations for me including a flat tire and a multitude of other things.
Monday morning was business as usual for me. I went to work did my thing. Around 10 one of my good friends at work that approached me in tears said he really needed to talk to me. We went into the conference room and he was simply beside himself, he started with its not what think. He proceeded to tell me that Jaysons wife Gwen had just called him to inform him Jayson had killed himself Friday night, by overdosing on pills. I had no idea what to think or say, and I really think Chris thought I was a little cold about the matter. I was stunned!! Jayson had just gone to Hawaii with his family and brought back a cute little souvenir for me, which I gave my daughter and she just knew Jayson picked it for her because she loves rainbows and horses. I shared that story with Jayson and I still remember to this day that he said "Wait did I know she liked horses? Yes I did she told me a bunch of times" he chuckled and I tlld him not to worry about it and I was only joking when I said bring me a souvenir. Haa I was expecting a sea shell for gods sake.
As I thought about how to tell my daughter of Jaysons passing I figured there was no time like the present. I called her and told her about it, she was so amazing. She spent a few hours rounding up bugs to bury and have funerals for. A few days ago I had forgotten my backpack at work with my laptop in it so after I picked her up from school she & my mom accompanied me back to work to get it. When we were leaving she asked if we could go to teh Cathedral because she needed to light a prayer candle this time. We went in and she lit a few candles. As she knelt down and said her prayers, listening to her talk to Jesus about Jayson and how she knew he wouldbe taken care of with so many of our family members up there to care for him and keep him company. She continued to ask Jesus to make a special place for Jayson and to find him happiness because he just deserved it.
As the days have passed and I have thought so much about Jayson and how he must have been feeling. I feel that he took life accidentally, he had a handful of pills thinking that this was just gonna take the pain away for just a little while, so he could think and focus on something other than his shattered marriage, and his job that he kept flaking out on. I have also found out that Jayson cleaned out his belongings from the office he shared with our DBA. Putting all the pieces together I simply can not fathom how his wife felt finding him. I just cant imagine the burden she feels and the pain and anguish she is going through. All I can do is pray that she finds peace in all of this and that Jaysons spirit helps her find that peace that she will so desperately need.
To my friend I have learned that no matter how well you know a person there are just so many things that can be overlooked when you arent looking for them. I thank Jayson for teaching me this and teaching me how important it is to remind your friends you are there for them and love them.
Jayson I will miss your compassion and friendship. The long talks we would have about our berry's and all the cool stuff we would always talk about. I hope you can find peace in a better place and be free from all the pain you felt on earth.
I will miss you my friend and will forever be grateful for having a friend like you. I am lucky and touched to have had your friendship over teh last several months.
I will see you in heaven my friend and we will still be crackberry addicts and pick up right where we left off. Save a place in the nerdery I will meet you at the golden gates with a smile and a hug.
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