Forgiving and living

Yesterday I experienced the complete feeling of having your heart completely deflated. At Jaysons funeral I saw parents, siblings and a wife so devastated and lost. I heard stories of better times and what life has to offer. I sat with some of my coworkers as we cried and listened to the life Jayson lead. One of our directors got up and spoke about Jayson and it was so destating to see how this really affected him. Being the one that told everyone at of Jaysons death was a huge burden to bear. Perhaps that is why I feel so lost over this.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to hear a few of Jaysons extended family members speak of forgiveness and the damage clinging to the damage others have caused you. I decided at that moment that my life was too short to keep being angry over the mediocrity that life has handed me. I have a beautifully intelligent daughter who brings me such joy and so many smiles, it amazes me that I can continually get such a happy heart over the little things she does.

I can no longer cling to all the heartache, pain, suffering, damage, and hatred others have caused me. I need to live my life in happiness and peace. Thats all I want for everyone around me, happiness and peace. Losing a life so early has me not only greif stricken but looking at life in a whole new light. I need my freinds to know I am there for them I love them and there is nothing I wont do to help them find happiness and peace in this life.

Just like I told my daughter so many people came into and out of our lives we never know why, but once they leave it is often very clear. I know I am a much better person for knowing Jayson and learning to talk to someone about anything and everything and just laugh about our shortcomings in this lifetime. I hope that I am never so distraught that I can not reach out to my friends and family and find a way to resolve my turmoil and find peace within myself again. I will never be the person I was and maybe thats for the best. I have loved and lost and been hurt terribly. I have learned so many valuable lessons in my short life and I dont intend to continue on the same path Ive been walking.